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Being this present has made me really be painfully aware of how quickly Gemma has been growing and growing up! I’ve been taking the time to love her even more fiercely than ever before. Enjoying our hugs that last so long, enjoying the silly songs and games she makes up, telling her ‘I love you’ several times a day and loving her say ‘i lub you too’, dancing with her, making her belly laugh, looking deep into her eyes and smiling, holding her sweet little hands just because… I have so much hope & love for her and so much I want to share about being a woman, a caring person, a grateful person, an independent and strong person…

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I recently came across a blog post by Deb Schwedhelm that displayed a video created by Katherine Center for the Mom 2.0 Summit.  The words really resonated with me about being a mother and woman.  It says the things that I would tell her one day…:

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WHAT I WOULD TELL HER:
(If I knew what to say.)
You are a miracle.
And I have to love you this fiercely:

So that you can feel it even after you leave for school, or even while you are asleep,

or even after your childhood becomes a memory.
You’ll forget all this when you grow up.  But it’s okay.
Being a mother means having your heart broken.
And it means loving and losing and falling apart and coming back together.
And it’s the best there is.  And also, sometimes, the worst.
Sometimes you won’t have anyone to talk to.
Sometimes you’ll wonder if you’ve forgotten who you are.
But you must remember this:  What you’re doing matters.
And you have to be brave with your life so that others can be brave with theirs.
The truth is, being a woman is a gift.  Tenderness is a gift.  Intimacy is a gift.

And nurturing the good in this world is nothing short of a privilege.

That’s why I have to love you this way.  So I can give what I have to you.

So that you can carry it in your body and pass it on.
I have watched you sleep.  I’ve kissed you a million times.  And I know something that you don’t, yet:
You are writing the story of your only life every single minute of every day.
And my greatest hope for you, sweet child, is that I can teach you how to write a good one.

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To my Gemmita, I look forward to all our great conversations and experiences together as you write your own story.  Thank you for the opportunity to be part of it all.  To life, to love, to the balancing game!

I also want to take the opportunity to thank my friend Catie Ronquillo for being inspirational to me and helping me spur on this recent introspection with her blog Project:  Joie de Vivre.

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I will always remember how long it has been since pa died by how old Gemma is. She just turned two and he passed away when she was 6 months old…. it has been 1.5 years. We celebrated Gemma’s birthday in the house he loved and worked so hard to get and keep, never taking out a loan even to improve or fix the house because of fear he’d lose it. In these crazy times where people have and are on the brink of losing their homes I understand my father even better. I know he’s looking down on us and saying ‘Ya vez?’

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So we celebrated Gemma and the family and we knew who was missing though nobody said anything. I danced salsa with my mother because I knew that is what my father would be doing with her at the party. My brother cooked some mean carne asada and guacamole because that is what we do at parties with my father always leading the way.

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I photographed a wedding this past weekend where there was a grandpa who looked and acted just like my father would at parties or any family event. He was happy and full of life and dancing with the bride and stealing the show (something my pa would often do). I remember watching him and thinking that he reminded me of the joy my father always brought to the party. A joy I was missing at Gemma’s party. Don’t get me wrong, we had a fantastic time and so did Gemmita. I’m just saying I missed him, we all did.

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So here we are, 1.5 years later. Gemma is 2 and we are celebrating in the house that pa bought and protected for us:

Gemma meets her abuelito for the first time:

Translation:

Thank you, my Lord, for this wish that you have granted me
I praise you and bless you for such a marvelous thing
For this little person
For this jewel

I ask you Lord that you bless her always
Straighten her roads
Shorten her paths, Lord Jesus
You brought her here for something
And something you will make of her
Unleash all of your love, all of your blessings, all of your protection on her
and her adoring parents, Rosaura and Scott

I give you thanks, Lord, because you granted me my wish of meeting her
and to tell you, Lord Jesus Christ, how Great you are, how Great you are
How will I ever repay you
So many blessings
I thought I would never arrive at this point
But I have arrived… and now I can leave
Whenever you wish

Thank you, my Lord, for the beauty, for the love, for the affection…
For all these things…

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Gracias a pa, la familia, la vida y a Dios por todos los bendiciones hoy y para siempre.

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Sitting on the kitchen floor checking out the sparkling action on her new dress:

Once she had her fun she definitely wanted to test her limits on how far she could push her bedtime. Here she is putting on her best Defiant Princess look.